Eating Disorders treatment put my family in heavy debt. Download Echoes at the price of your choosing to help us recoup medical expenses and support future recordings.
I am truly ECSTATIC to finally release my new single, ECHOES!
10 months in treatment for eating disorder was arguably at once the hardest thing, and the most vitally important thing, that I have ever done for myself and for my family.
It was a serious matter, and treatment was crucial. It was, really, non-negotiable.
But the exorbitant medical expenses of treatment had put me and my family in a deep, deep financial chasm.
And so, I have made the decision to release Echoes as a crowd funding opportunity; you will soon be able to download it pre-sale, before it is released on Spotify, Apple Music and all other streaming media platforms.
You can now name your price for downloading the track in the link on this page, and donate according to your ability, and by that, help me recoup the crippling medical expenses inflicted on my family and hopefully raise enough funds to support additional recordings.
It’s been a long time coming for releasing Echoes.
Identifying the “Whys”, was a cardinal aspect of treatment.
Love. Was my ultimate raison d'être.
The rule that governed over all else. It preceded everything, the captain that spearheaded the ship of all other raisons.
I fought hard for myself. For the kids and Ron. To come back to them whole, and take on life, the way we all deserved- this was my principal Recovery goal.
I made it home, alive.
And I’m now bestriding Recovery like a colossus.
I’m going after my Reasons, nosing my ship towards my True North, full throttle.
Prior to treatment I went into the studio to record several songs with the wonderful Ken Schubert
at Cue Studios. It is all material that bespoke my quiet warfare, it negotiated the cambers of my battle, and narrated my silent struggles.
I was desperate to tell someone. But I couldn’t.
In the thick of it, in the silence of my fight, in the dark recesses, where I was reeking swords with Edie, Music constituted a pivotal tool for me in processing my struggles, and allaying my battles.
I then got with two phenomenal producers; Todd Wright and Ethan Mentzer, who cast their magic upon the songs and brought them to the next level.
“Remember what your goals are.” This mantra was repeated to me over and over during my 10 months in treatment. Whenever I’d stumble. Whenever I’d sit ogling at my plate, a captive in Edie’s dungeons trying to fight against her silent edicts.
“Remember your Whys.” Staff would remind me at those times. Releasing Echoes, was one of those Whys.
So… the day I was dreaming of, has finally come.
• • •
The story behind Echoes:
There was a time, at the end of last years’ summer, when the air was beginning to thin and August’s oppressive heat was finally segueing slowly into Fall, that I knew my body was collapsing from the effects of starvation.
Yet, I wasn’t able to stop.
It was just me and the vultures Anorexia in a very intimate affair, always hanging alone at the Upside Down. They weren’t very good company.
But I was unable to confess to anyone of the true reasons underlying my weight loss. It was a dreadfully solitary existence.
My family, I felt, lived in color right beside me, while my world was a gray world, color blind, tone-deaf, dumb, voiceless.
So I resorted to composing again. The first tune was to be a confession, my mea culpa if you will, an apologia masked as an apology to Anwen, for my leaving her.
But songs have a mind of their own. And as I sat at the piano, as my fingers hovered over the blacks and the whites, Anwen began singing to me instead. She sang to me of the regrets, the vast void, recounting to me the life I would leave behind, the memories of my face slowly fading away as she grows-up in my absence.
It was a song turning eulogy of sorts.
I named it Echoes.