August 6, 2022

I did it!  I finally went public with my very personal life-experience story, "Speak".  It is terrifying and exciting at the same time to share my story with the public but I am really hoping that others reading it will find strength, and hope, and inspiration within its words.

August 6, 2022

I have been working on my new music EP.  I wrote these songs as a form of therapy before I started to speak up about my illness and they are very much from the heart and personal to me.  My first fully produced single, Echoes, will be out soon.  Check here often for updates!

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Five months ago I set upon a journey in purpose of recovery from a devastating disease. An illness that I have been battling silently and alone for 30 years.  Anorexia Nervosa.

While suffering from the physical and mental long-term effects of malnourishment and extreme weight loss, in the aftermath of 2.5 years of unremitting starvation, I found myself hanging between life and death. 

My Crohn’s disease- yet another illness I have been battling with- had conveniently lent itself as my perfect "cover", under which I hid my very destructive eating disorder behaviors. No one had suspected that the severe, on-going weight loss was from anything else.

But one evening in February 2022- as I lay in bed with excruciating hunger pangs in the pit of my stomach, with my head swimming, from within the fog of starvation- I felt I may simply not wake up again. 

I knew it was time to ask for help. 

And so, with a sense of despair and exigency, haunted by the fear that my husband and two kids may awake one morning to find me lying lifeless in bed, I finally reached out. I spoke up. 

To borrow a quote from Peter Pan: “And with a fine candour I told what I had hitherto concealed.”

For that was the very first time that I ever told anyone about my biggest secret, my eating disorder, and the terrible incident that was partially the culprit of its onset . A disease with which I had a very intimate, though highly abusive relationship. A nefarious illness I have danced closely with ever since I was 15 years old, and never knew I had. 

Ever since speaking, my life had taken on a new path. A path towards recovery from this devastating disease. And as I advanced further down recovery road, it became clear to me that I wanted to make it my life goal to help others who are struggling to cope with similar issues. 

I am hoping that by sharing my personal story and music I may help encourage others to speak about their own struggles as well. 

Because breaking the silence alone was already half of my battle. Just by speaking up, the demons of Anorexia had already diminished their power over me. 

I made the first step on a road that was thorny, terrifying, daunting, and obscure; the most uncomfortable first step I had ever taken on any previous path. 

But I took the road less traveled. I stopped hiding behind the dark secrets and that was the very first step toward healing.

All songs, music, images, written word and content within this website Copyright (c) Nefrit El-Or